this is a shit story about my fuckin trials and tribulations just to get the username “dorocha” on github and spoiler alert failed xd LOL

the deep need for the username

one day, while engaging in a bit of trolling on minecraft, i got banned from the server. naturally, the only solution was to buy a new account to rejoin. while thinking of a username for the new account, i was browsing the fandom wiki page for my favorite show, bbc’s 2008 “merlin” (awesome i know) and i thought, why not see if any character names are available on minecraft

so i took one. unsurprisingly, i got banned again for ban evading. over the next couple of hours, i went through about seven new accounts in total, each time trying new names. finally, i claimed the name “Dorocha” on minecraft. when i realized it was available, i thought, that’s super cool… i didn’t imagine it would be free. and so began my pursuit of the same username on github, because in my mind, having it on minecraft meant it was meant to be mine everywhere… clearly

attempts to claim it

once i discovered that the username was taken on github, and noticed it had been inactive for the last eight years, i wasted no time. i copied the profile picture into a certain website for a bit of cheeky facial recognition. low and behold, i found a full name of an account in which the profile picture looked relatively similar. naturally, i searched the name on instagram and, there she was.

i figured the likelihood of her actually replying was pretty low, but i messaged her anyway. one polite message, and two days later, i actually got a reply: “will check on it tmrw.. i will get back to you.” at that very moment, i started using “dorocha” in every repository readme, group id, and writeup i made, even claiming the domain dorocha.dev.

days went by without a response. growing impatient (and probably annoying), i messaged her three more times, roughly three days apart each. eventually, she replied, asking why i wanted the username. when i explained, she delivered the utterly devastating news: she couldn’t receive the verification code to change the username because her gmail account was full but she was going to try again when she had time, and that she was very busy due to work. and i just thought, how the fuck do you fill a gmail account? i’ve had mine for years and says 3% full, despite having tens of thousands of emails.. but okay.

days to a week later, after many desperate nudging messages sent every couple of days for about three weeks, she finally replied again. this time, the reason was a bit more saddening: when she signed up, she had accidentally added an extra number to her email… instead of **777, she typed **7777. with that, all hope was lost, and i had to settle for a shit and utterly fucking disappointing alternative… i have sent an email to the actual email of the github accounts in hope that they also reply and attempt to help but, probably not lmao.

what happened

despite pretty rarely being able to find the woman, actually getting a reply, and her having the kindest of intentions, knowing the password, and even screenshots showing attempts to help, github’s policies and the email situation made it impossible to claim the username. ultimately, the username is gone, leaving me pretty pissed off but it’s kinda funny so idk lol

reflection

honestly suicide inducing shit man i wrote this because i thought if i made a joke about it then it would be less annoying but no it still bad